Gingerbread for Gaza/Pepperkaker for Palestina
I am baking them all, gently, person by person. Every murdered soul. Then laying them down one by one outside the Israeli Embassy in silence. Yes, I baked the Israeli too. At first, I believed it to be one performance/ritual only. The baking, living and breathing of my little representatives throughout December was as important a part of the performance as the laying down ritual performance on Dec 18th. 20719 cookies lay to rest, decorated in my blood, tears, sweat and mucus. The push to make it happen was my whole life, heart and soul. I went deep.
Three days after, still in an altered state, I committed to continuing for as long as needed. For life if necessary.
WHILE THEY DIE, I BAKE.
New year’s Eve, I lay down another 2697.
Jan 21st: 3009 more.
Feb 11th: 3444 + my first chest pulling.
March 3rd in a “Flour Massacre” Edt: 2840 + one sack of flour pulled from chest hooks. The flour was too much for the police, who stopped my ritual performance for the first time.
March 24th in a “Less icecream, more action” Edt.: 1867 (including 27 malnourished children) + a chest pulling festuring Biden, bombs and useless humanitarian aid (filled with Skittles).
April 14t in a “Hospitals are not targets” Edt.: 1582 (including 5 malnourished children) + 484 needles, one per murdered health worker + one dead doctor of meat, bones and organs dragged from hooks in my back.
May 5th in an “Action speaks louder than waffles and empty words” Edt.: 1033 + 1033 waffle hearts + a needle ritual giving of hearts to our passive politicians + chest pulling featuring our politicians floating from the hooks.
June 1st in a” Freedom of Speech/Ytringsfrihet Schmytringsfrihet” special protest Edt.: 1629 + 122 murdered media workers + sewing my mouth shut from the start + being subjected to hours of “Schmolice violence” + one dead journalist dragged from hooks as part of the violence scenario.
June 23rd in a “No Pride in Genocide” Edt.: 1318 glittering queers in rainbow colours (including 4 malnourished children + 4 press workers) + 18 needles for murdered health workers since the “Hospitals are not Targets“ ritual + a full body suspension from 2 back hooks in a watermelon wearable sculpture (with Jonas Gahr Støre and Espen Barth Eide doing their first suspensions on either side in their pride outfits) + a chest pulling also in the watermelon sculpture+ a face spear/skewer worn throughout the day.
July 20th in a "Missing Children” Edt.: 1261 (including 4 malnourished and 32 press workers)+ 21000 missing children baked from a lighter dough (4000 placed underneath flaming, smoking ruins, as estimated by Save the Children) + a larger-than-life “Missing kids milk carton” sewn within an impossible timeframe + surrendering to the fire + a face spear/skewer worn throughout it all.
Aug. 24th in a “Not Goddamn Targets” Edt. : 1481 (including 11 press workers) + 385 needles for dead health workers since last time + a school, a refugee camp, a mosque and two playgrounds made with love and detail + an inferno of fire and bombs + a face spear/skewer worn throughout it all.
The living and breathing the gingerbread and preparing for the ritual performances is not getting easier. The number of cookies may be fewer. But each feels heavier. The body needs extra care, as well as some more extreme measures, to keep my heart open for them in a way that makes sense to me. To hold space for the depth of grief, despair and fury as humanity crumbles.
To avoid hypothermia throughout the long days of challenging Norwegian Winter weather, I have been designing and sewing my ass off. Last stitches usually in less than 30 min before a performance ritual is scheduled, gingerbread keeping me company throughout my sleepless nights in the sewing room. I need to honour them by wearing something I put my heart into. I need to wear something that helps me be the person I need to be in the moment. Be my most courageous self. To be able to bear it.
As the seasons and needs change, I cannot lean on what I already made. The Winter survival suit packed away, in the hope that I am not still baking next Winter. I create Summer outfits. White daytime outfits for full days in ritual. Outfits for my crew. Banners produced within an impossible timeframe. Props for special editions to make the visual expression in sync with how I feel. Every stitch is meditation. Deep preparation. Anchoring and helping me keep my commitment rock solid.
You are warmly welcome to bear witness and have my back. And lay some down yourself if you feel like it. No blood if I am wearing blue, if that is a concern. If I am wearing white, a ritual involving pierced skin is in progress.
Next up: Sept 29 th 13.30 until sometime next morning-ish: “186000 - A Conservative Estimate”.
I only have a few videos here, due to limited capacity. All edits by me unless otherwise specified. I recommend keeping the sound on, or they will make little sense. A few recent ones on top, then they are presented in roughly chronological order. Instagram is updated daily with photos and videos, and stories. I highly recommend spending some time checking them out. My story highlights there (start with “Gaza” and work your way through) are also worth checking out if you want a fuller picture of this project.
Day 200
From my diary, June 20th, 2024
200 days and nights of living and breathing the murdered souls in Gaza/Palestine.
200 days and nights of loving them.
200 days and nights of honouring them.
In every way that comes to me.
My heart stays open.
My commitment rock solid.
I am fire.
I am free.
It will be my life for as long as it takes.
Sunday will be my 10th laying down ritual. A week of round numbers and taking some time to take it in from yet a new angle. As they keep murdering them.
My deepest gratitude to every single person who has been part of or contributed to my project so far! I love you all. It is a solitary life, but I am not alone, even when I am. Thank you!
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/lip suture/Schmoliceness/Waffle priest/video by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium
Also needles/hooks/crew/love by Håvve Fjell @havvefjell in love and space held by Kjærsti Øverbø @poetic_beingness.
Video also by Marta Segone @martasegone Jorunn Bakke @jorunnbakke Magnus Wiig @mwiiig Natalie @espi.nata Linda Haugland @linhaug2011 Miriam Gjerstad @miriam_embla Karoline Evensen @karolinevensen.
Music: “299792458 (2.nd Edit)“ by Stoto. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3 This song has been such a big part of my life and art since I started this insanity.
Day 250
From my diary, August 9th 2024:
307 days of g^noc^de and counting.
Counting.
Never just a number.
250 days of baking them.
Loving them.
Doing what I need to do for them, showing it to the world as I go.
I am baking and preparing in all the other ways now for two ritual performances at once. Aug 24th, I will lay down the representatives of the murdered souls since last time.
Sept 29th, I will lay down the 145801 of the 186000 I had not yet baked in my project in a «186000: a conservative estimate» special Edt.
If you ever considered donating or sharing my donation link, this is a GOOD time for it, as you can maybe imagine.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/video/flames/Schmoliceness by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium
Also needles/hooks/crew/love by Alex Pereiro @indigenak Håvve Fjell @havvefjell (in the loving space held by Kjærsti Øverbø @poetic_beingness )
Crew/rig/love/video by Karoline Evensen @karolinevensen
Video by Linda Haugland @linhaug2011 Natalie @espi.nata Jorunn Bakke @jorunnbakke Koyote Millar @koyotewaggins and Josefine.
Cover photo by Olav Helland @fantastiskfoto
Music: Joda (Worakls Remix) by Joachim Pastor. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Not Goddamn Targets
The 12th ritual performance.
I travelled to a deep place. The meditation of the prop making and baking had already taken me part of the way, as it always does. But in a different way this time.
Little surprises as I went. Where and how I ended up placing them. Finding their balance there in the school windows. One sigh or deep exhale, and they would fall.
The rain.
Deep, deep cold, and the relief of the first fire.
The needles for the health workers. 385 since June. Each felt deeply as a person, an actual life, their family, their last moments, their death.
Blood, blood everywhere. Guiding me. Freely flowing through action I had never seen coming.
Watching everything and everyone burn to the ground through a full sunrise.
Standing bloody and singed, ready to close the ritual at last, in the sour fumes in the morning.
Going through the ruins to see if something could be salvaged.
Twisted bodies, charred swingsets.
The police’s shovel. Spinning with it yet again, past the Embassy I was moved even further away from this time.
What needs doing.
Stop. f***kng. Killing. Them.
Crew/love/Schmoliceness/needles/flames by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium
Music: “Sanctis” by Worakls. Thank you so much for the use of it <3
Not.Goddamn.Targets.
No words needed.
Crew/love/Schmoliceness/needles/flames by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium
Music: “Metropolis” by Birrd. Thant you so much for the use of it <3
The beginning
From my diary, Dec 7th 2023:
It is already crushing me, after two days. Baking them all, gently, person by person. Every murdered soul.
I am a tactile person, still with my calendar book, and relying on physical objects to fully grasp meaning. A number on a screen, I try to understand, but it is beyond me. Feeling each cookie in my hand, watching the pile grow. Handling them. Seeing how much dough I will need, and hustling it in my backpack. At first, I though it would be good to collaborate, ask friends to join. As it is exhausting, monotone, and intimidating bordering on impossible. But no. One person has to do it all if the magnitude of it is to sink in. My body needs it, painful though it may be. I am sick, as you know, and have not been able to go to demos and such. It has been a sorrow and frustration, not to do more.
This, I can do at home, alone. This is all I will be doing, where my little energy will go. On Dec 18th I will lay them all down, one by one outside the Israeli Embassy. I need to do this too by myself, I need to feel it, see how long it takes, how much space they will take. But I would love it of someone would have my back so I don’t have to look over my shoulder throughout. I am a courageous bad bish, but I admit that I am a bit scared, and have very little to go on.
“Land of the Free” by Obsqure, Suz playing in the background. Thank you for letting me use it <3
Day 7
From my diary, Dec 12th 2023:
I pushed through like an abslute machine. Felt weird to be elated and not at the same time about my new daily record. I knew Day 8 to be a wildcard, and it felt better to feel a bit ahead to not stress about it. The depth of it is sinking in, little person by little person. The realisation and acceptance that if it is possible to kill so many people in two weeks that my slightly bonkers but also realistic (for me) machine badbitch factory behaviour may be left at the station by the murder train… It would just drive the point through even more. THAT is grasping the severity. Don’t fret, I am giving it my all (if you remember «Fungus», you trust this), and am pretty confident still. Being physically affected by every death in this way, makes a difference. My heart bleeds, and I bleed, as I take it in in waves in my weird meditation state. Like a mantra.
“Old Treasure” by Diskay playing in the background, thank you for the use of it! <3
Day 9
From my diary, Dec 15 th 2023 (Day 9 was Dec 13th):
A day rough enough to make me invest in a quick sauna morning AND evening not to collapse. My brain was so mushy I struggled to remember the number: 2092 little dead gingerbread people. Adding up to a total of a mindblowing, heartbreaking 17677. Meaning: had the violence stopped when I started baking, these little representatives would not have existed.
I am climbing a Gingerbread Mount Doom, and feel eerily Frodo-esque.
Music: “End of April“ by Le Roy. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
20791
From my diary, Feb 5th 2024:
The video that most people have seen and liked throughout my concept/performance/ritual is the one of all the gingerbread from the day after my first ritual performance (you find it further down here).
The footsteps in there really started bothering me in the time after my third ritual performance. For the first time, I had felt unsafe there on the pavement. The atmosphere dodgy. People were stepping on them, both on purpose and in ignorance. I broke the silence arguing with a couple. One was close to fighting.
So, looking at that video that had become a sort of symbol of the project, gave me a yucky feeling. Whose feet? What vibe? So, it felt important to share, plain and simple, all 20791 dead, untarnished and loved, right after I closed the ritual performance by singing to them. Not whole, necessarily, as we all know that would be unrealistic. But no hostility, ignorance or lack of care. Only warmth, respect, love, grief. As it should be.
Video by Linda Haugland.
Music: “Movement III” by Robot Koch. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Day 10
The day I started singing full songs to them. To the children, and to them all. It nearly broke my heart, focusing mostly on them. But, I thought about what the kids would like, and felt free in what would help me as well. Thus it was that we were joined by some ducks, and by Tree-Rex.
Some little ones were left behind on the counter from Day 9 (dubbed the «Headless Chicken Day» for all eternity). They were in the count, but not the bags. I kept them next to me throughout the very rough day, and I set Tree-Rex to watch over them.
I learnt that the tiniest slip of routine at this point cascades into the rest of the day like a bulldoser. My world is so small and so big, all at once. A tiny change-up made me forget breakfast, and it kinda went from there.
The disaster of my pen, the one that was my project pen and felt JUST right, dying, did not help. I tried out numerous ones as I went, and it frustrated and saddened me no end. In a tactile, physical project, it HAS to feel right.
New and old pains in the body were competing. I burned a tray badly, and felt the fuckedup-ness of it being only right. I succeeded in the end. The moments of flow were bliss. Nurturing me. It is not a one-way street <3
.
Music: “No Minds Land (Okuma remix)” by Riyoon. Thank you so much for the use of it <3
“Jeg er en vanlig kanin”
An unedited clip from the day I started singing whole songs to them (Day 10). This one for the children 💔
My capacity for editing was gone at this point, I needed to focus on completing my tasks, and on the ritual performance.
Day 11
(Dec 15th, 2023)
900 dead gingerbread people + a permission from the Police.
The absurdity of them feeling like «not so many» hit me in the gut. I continued my free flow of letting my process go in the directions it needed to let me keep my heart open, and be able to follow through to the end. The quantity of cookies may have been lower, but the effort, strain and absolute push of this day, I will always remember. The first half dedicated to doing the things I struggle with the most: admin, screens, and conversations with actual people. The relief when it paid off, and the permission for the performance was in, was bliss. But the body complained every step of the way. Stalking the death toll like a hawk, and allowing some artistic freedom in my interpretation of the «+» behind the official numbers. Hoping, hoping, that this would be the last bake.
The live radio show “National Rapshow”, a favourite every Friday night for many years, helped me in the end. As they always do. I imagined the rap lovers of Gaza being the ones I baked then. This day, I really took in how much of a part music plays to keep me going, to keep me centered, and to ease what needs easing. The same playlist on repeat. I bless my excellent taste in music.
Music: “Liquid(Original Mix)“ by Robot Koch. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Day 13: bless the no-baking and the sewing madness
My coats are at the very core of who I am, of what I go through, of what sustains me (you can see some of them here on my page). Making them, pouring everything into every stitch. Donning the right one to give me the exact type of strength or comfort I need. Armour in a sense, but not as a layer between me and the world. Each invite different kinds of movement, posture, feeling. If you have known me a while, you have seen it. Seen my designs evolve with me. As I transform, my coats do, too. I pour my whole being into all of my art, in all mediums, but if you want to know who I am at any given point in time, studying the coats will be your number one clue.
I started a new one last year, a fusion of my elven past and no-bullshit present. Not the softer elf, but the warrior. Leather, wool, and sturdy windbreaking padded fabric. Blue for what the water would have been if my River had been clear and better protected. Golden trees for my Tree Friends, past, present and future. For the joy, strength and thrill of a good climb. The comfort of a hug, a rest, a good cry from trunk to water surface. The madness of baking had made it impossible to finish the suspension outfit I had started, so for the first time, I wore an old one on the Day 12 ritual. But with the news of no need for baking on this last day, which lifted me no end, I decided to push for it and finish my coat “River Warrior”. It should have been impossible. But nothing is, and I am a machine when I need to be. It is familiar, almost comforting, to me. Staying up all night before the performance, stitching to loud music, cats intruding. The gingerbread kept me company too. I included a gingerbread figure on the ground underneath the tree I embroidered. They will always be part of this coat for me. Of who I was when I donned it, reverendly and in meditation, before heading to my ordeal and the Embassy in the morning. Not my most elaborate coat, but a strong piece. The way I felt in it… I pulled through. WE pulled through.
During the bakes, I sang to the gingerbread as I did to my nephews. On Day 13, my nephews sang to me <3
To rest on the pavement
From my diary, Dec 23rd 2023:
Laying my dead gingerbread people representing murdered souls one by one on the ground outside the Israeli Embassy after living and breathing them for 13 days, is a chapter of my journey/concept/performance I will digest for a long long time.
Only a little while in, and my pragmatic friend has told me that estimated time left is 15-20 h. I was already a machine, and speed up yet again. Finding some place, a bubble, just me and them, me and them. Burping, chanting, trying to let my aching body follow my music and sometimes wriggle to ease the pain, but also to go deeper in my meditative state. I get sips of drink, carrots and fruit on the clock, fed to me while I work. I had decided on doing it alone, that I needed to bake them all and lay them all down to grasp it. Working steadily towards the embassy from my starting point, cold in the rain. Feeling it looming behind me. Hoping they see. Surveillance cameras everywhere, I guess they do.
Filming by Lynn Myrdal.
“Timelapse” by Nils Andreas in the background. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
The day after
From my diary, Dec 19th 2023:
The morning after, they are still there. My squishy Helene Fjell took this video on her way to work. I hadn’t really thought about it, about how long they would stay there. Will the birds, people’s feet, the weather, the Parks and Rec department, hostile people or something I haven’t thought about have them first? I shared this video on Instagram right after receiving it, to let people know it was not too late to take them in in real life. To spend some time with them, let them give you something you need. Before they are destroyed. If someone wants to add their own tears or blood to mine, go for it, always.
Music: “Aurora II - Mond (feat. Ayana)” by Andre Polar. Thank you, always, for letting me use your music! You have been a support and inspiration, forever grateful <3
Deilig er jorden
Dec 18th, 2023
I always wanted to break the silence with this song. I didn’t know then that I would sing to them as I baked. A last one for the road. May you rest in peace. May peace find us all.
I grasp it now.
From my diary Dec 30th 2023:
Still digesting the ritual chapter that was Dec 18th. I have been thinking about fellowship. Friendship. Of letting others’ love and care fuel my own.
I had decided on doing it alone. Not only baking, but the laying down. I thought I needed to go through the physical act alone - one person, one body, one heart - to grasp it.
Wet, freezing, hurting, exhausted, working my way towards the Embassy. After 6 or so hours it became evident. There was no physical chance whatsoever that I would be able to lay them all down one by one. Thus, I opened the possibility for my good helpers to lay them down too, while still allowing me to continue my own four rows in solitude, closing in on the Embassy.
The next layer of grasping the magnitude of it all, was coming to terms with having to spread the very last ones out. Even a collective effort there in the rain wasn’t enough. I chose a «respectful mass grave manner», if a thing like it exists. Including it in my last ritual, it was no less heartfelt or in honor of each dead soul. They were just too many. Too fucking many. That was what it took for me for my whole being to understand, for the final layer to remove itself from my core. It transported me to a deep place. In the hands of loved ones.
Music “All of Yours” by AFAR. www.musicfromafar.de. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Yuletide Q & A, freely inspired by Norway’s Prime Minister
From my diary, Dec 24th 2023:
Make sure to keep the sound on (sorry this is in Norwegian)! Nothing like a lil’ limpness or fakeness to boost the light shining from my butthole and heart. What an inspiration you are Jonas Gahr Støre, thank you. Never once since I was a kid have I wanted to skip Cinderella (weird Norwegian tradition) for something else. I was shaking my head in so many ways last night that your Instagram post became the actual original background sound in my Forest. I hope you enjoy everything you say you are usually enjoying. I, personally, am just nauseous, and keeping my heart open to make sure I live in a way that may help the Palestinians and everyone who are crushed by what is happening to them in some small way. Gløgg indeed. On that, we agree.
Sound and most words in video by Jonas Gahr Støre/Arbeiderpartiet, used for inspiration (not my work).
While they die, I bake!
From my diary, Dec 25th 2023:
If you know me, and my art, you probably saw this coming: My concept/performance/ritual is NOT over. While they are murdered, I bake. If I have to bake for the rest of my life, you know I will do it. I had to seek courage under the remnants of my work «Fungus», reminding myself that I am indeed a bad, instoppable bish (with the best ideas).
I am still in an altered state after what I have already been doing, so the details will come to me. I trust the free flow of my process, my heart knows what has to happen and how.
All rituals/vigils/performances in front of the embassy will still happen in silence. You are welcome to bear witness, and to have my back. And, also, I feel it is time to let anybody who feels it will help them, lay them down with me. I grasp it now, which was one of my many hopes while embarking on this insane journey. In the end, the magnitude hit when it was clear one person couldn’t lay them all down and not risk the spent body too much at the same time.
Music: “Buvard“ by Diskay. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Day 12
From my diary, Jan 3rd 2024:
Day 12 was all about preparing myself for the laying down performance outside the Israeli Embassy. Physical/logistical tasks aplenty, but mostly mental/emotional/body centered on this particular day. Even without the need to bake more gingerbread people, which I couldn’t know from day to day, it was clear that it would be demanding.
I had baked like a maniac on Day 11 until late, as well as each of the days/nights before, so I started out my day like a proper wreck. And did what I could to be gentle to myself. I have partaken in rituals with no sleep before, but not with a body still convalescing from surgery. So I was open to it being whatever it needed to be, and mostly enjoying a rare project break. And to be with my chosen family in a way that works for me (in silence, sharing something meaningful, with gløgg).
If you haven’t followed my art before, you may be new to flesh hook suspension as a practice. And, in particular, as MY practice. In short, it is the only time in my life I get some pain-free hours, and my only chance of any sleep (I can get four full hours if I luck out!) aside from going under for surgery. The space and comfort it offers, brings me closer to wherever I need to go emotionally or in a meditative or existential process. It offers a fresh perspective. Also, for this in particular, my only chance of being slightly human-like and as «fresh» as possible for the ordeal of the laying down performance. I bleed so much involuntarily due to my illness(es). And I bleed voluntarily for my art frequently. It would not have made sense to me at ALL not to bleed for Gaza. For the dead. No icing. Just blood, tears, snot, dust and cat hair.
Music: “Atlas” by Zuso https://www.instagram.com/zuso_music/ Thank you so much for the use of it!
What’s happening, humanity?
Sound on (sorry this is in Norwegian)!
From my diary, Jan 24th 2024:
After last week’s fresh disappointments in humanity, and in politicians in particular, and in Norwegian ones to be even more particular, it sure is medley time again. Nothing like a lil’ limpness, foggy language and coldness to boost the light shining from my butthole and heart. You disgust me more than words can say. What an inspiration.
Music: “I never really cared“ by Stoto. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Some of the sound in the video by Jonas Gahr Støre and Arbeiderpartiet, used for inspiration (not my work).
The cold
From my diary, Jan 10th 2024:
I have felt the cold. Deeply. As they started dying from it/being murdered by the absence of stable heat sources, it feels even more appropriate somehow, that this element has been the number one risk and challenge of my project. And will be for a while longer.
The baking itself is an ever-changing flow of thoughts, feelings, routine, weird hangups, sensations in the body, altered states/meditation, practicalities/logistics and much much more. Each bake take on elements of my experience until that point - indoor and outdoor - and is a good opportunity for me to digest it all freely.
On Day 32 of my project, I played with the gingerbread dough in the snow. My body still feeling and remembering keenly the dread and desperation of the rituals, especially the freshest one only days before. It almost broke my heart to think of them. People say freezing to death is peaceful. That you just sleep, and it is over. I don’t know, I never tried it, but I will say that there is unimaginable pain before that point, if it ever arrives. In the videos I have seen, there is no peace in anybody’s eyes.
Music: ““Back to the Future (Original Mix) by Stoto. Thank you for the use of it! <3
Resilience’R’Us
From my diary, Feb 27th 2024:
Never worry. Even when it is rough, even when I feel shattered to my core, actively screaming, howling, crying, or just like a bleak and fragile Winter version of myself: I am ok. I trust my courage, my resilience, my badassness. My capacity for feeling many feelings at once, and for surfing pain and discomfort head-on is legendary. I have been through some shit you would not believe. Accepted that comfort will never be for me. It makes total sense for me to commit to my art and life in the way that I do. It is the only way to stay sane, to feel like my true self. If you have a different and more comfortable life, I get that you would feel worry and concern. But trust me: I am ok. The things I felt on the vigil before the vigil, still hold. Bless the one I was then, thinking it would be over the next day/night. I am glad I didn’t know. I am glad I go with the flow of what feels right as I go. I am free. Others are not. I need to fight for them in my own weird way.
Music: “Sunrays” by Catching Flies. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Limp politicians. Yuck.
From my diary Jan 29th 2024:
I have said it before; nothing like a lil’ limpness, foggy language and coldness to boost the light shining from my butthole and heart. What an inspiration you are, Jonas Gahr Støre, thank you. I read your post yesterday, and wonder, truly, if you BELIEVE that you and the government are doing what you can? The words you choose matter, too. Krig schmig. Yuck. Everyone who dies or are injured while «a great responsibility lies on Israel», waiting for «long-term processes» to take effect, are just as dead or injured when the canapés and conversations are devoured. I read your words, but my ears just heard the sloshing back and forth of the soft ice or jelly I suspect is where your spine should be.
Music: “Cold Wind” by Andre Polar. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Some sound in video by Jonas Gahr Støre/Arbeiderpartiet , used for inspiration (not my work, but edited by me).
New Year’s: the vigil before the vigil
From my diary, evening of Dec 31th 2023 (the day of my second ritual performance):
I am not in the mood for a New Year’s post. You all know how I feel. And how I «celebrated». My concept/performance/ritual is, sadly, not ending any time soon, it seems.
A quick one from this morning for ya’, and I will be easing back into my bubble of digesting the day/weeks/months/years. With my FIRST BATH since my surgery in early November.
A vigil before the vigil already feels like tradition, like something that makes sense, and something I will continue doing. Leaving them alone just feels wrong, I want to fill them with love and care these last stolen hours before they leave my hands and lie on the cold pavement. Also, my preparation and meditation demands it. It is just a crystal clear feeling I cannot explain.
Assistants: Helikopter, Tree-Rex and various ducks and forest creatures.
Music: “Experience” by Haumea Geo Sh. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Not getting easier...
From my diary, Feb 13th 2024:
A few hours after returning home late in the evening after my third ritual performance on Jan 21st, the official death toll skyrocketed yet again. After only one week, I had already baked about 2000. Situation in Gaza tightening by the day, all eyes on Rafah.
I baked Hind. I baked her, and my soul screamed.
The thought of what each of the dead I bake at this point have gone through… How they had survived until now. How they could have still lived if somebody had stopped the madness. Each of them feels so SO heavy. My gingerbread dough that has been in the freezer behaves in the most fitting way, making all sorts of molested variants. Burnt tray after burnt tray, as my exhaustion makes me less focused. Fitting indeed. The Norwegian politicians voted against sanctions and boicott.
So, in the days before this fourth ritual performance, I felt like amping it up. You see here my needles already in place, as my piercer couldn’t be there physically. Underneath my outfit, two big hooks pierced through the skin of my chest. Carrying them throughout the day as part of my sacrifice, of my preparation, of my meditation. The original plan had been to go for a nurse and blood from my arm for the closing ritual. Instead, I went all in, facing several fears all at once. I will share more when I have digested it. I am still raw. At the same time, my heart is full and open, burning like a furnace (see the “Bloodbath Israeli State Edt.” video for a preview of the closing ritual).
Music: “Mare Nocturnum“ by Robot Koch, Elvya. Thank you for the use of it!
Video + edit by Natalie @espi.nata
Eurovision Schmurovision.
From my diary, February 2nd, 2024:
«Haag Schmaag», he said.
«Eurovision Schmurovision», I say. Yay, indeed!
It should not be possible, this pretense. You cannot treat a year of genocide, or even an inkling of a suspected one, as a normal year. Inviting the perpetrator. The echo of their celebratory videos this week mingling with the familiar Eurovision vibe. It feels thwarted, wrong, disgusting. And like grinding each murder, each act of violence and purposeful neglect, each injury, each destroyed home, each hungry and cold night, right into the faces of the Palestinians. And into the faces of all who support them. I am furious.
My sequins and queer ass are usually forgiving, but we ditch it for ever. We are busy baking. For as long as it takes.
Some photos by Helene Fjell.
Video by Karoline Evensen, Lynn Myrdal, Linda Haugland and Fredrik Blomquist.
Music: “Gold (Parra for Cuva Remix)“ by Robot Koch, May. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
“Blood Bath”
From my diary, Feb 6th 2024:
Now, he «fears a blood bath». The blood that has flowed until now… It terrified ME from the first.
I do not «fear» a blood bath. I condemn. I am filled with fury and outrage. I take action. I grieve. I share. I learn. I love. I burn. I fuel my courage. I am human. Just one person. Everything within my power, my life, I give. But it is a drop in a vast ocean. Espen Barth Eide, Norway’s Foreign Minister: you could pack a real punch. If you wanted to. When I fear something, I remind myself that that is the BEST time to feel courageous. To stand tall and DO what needs doing (which is NOT dealing in weapons with states in conflict, OR voting down sanctions against criminal regimes).
Music “Sufi Bazaar” by Obsqure. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Schmurovision: Snack time Edt.
You all know it. It is snack time just about now…
«Haag Schmaag», he said.
«Eurovision Schmurovision», I say.
This concept sure is living its life at the moment. Inspiration everywhere, in all the wrong ways. Yet again, it is up to the people, to the artists. Hey ho, let’s GO!
Music: “Late Night (Original Mix)” by Stoto. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Day 66: baking and Blood Broth TM
From my diary, Feb 16th 2024:
A tiny insight into part of my preparation for my latest ritual performance. This Thursday was Day 66, Sunday’s ritual just a few days away and a million things left to do and feel.
My art lives its own life as always, I just have to give myself freely to what I feel is the right way to do things as I go. Rafah, and the disappointment in Norway’s politicians, made me spontaneously decide to amp up my ritual to include something I never thought I would do. A true sacrifice, and facing many fears at once. But also, making perfect sense. Extreme situations call for extreme measures, and whatever I need to do to open my heart as widely as possible, to fit the depth of the scream I could feel in there… I will do. My blood for theirs.
Music: “Tides ” by Catching Flies. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Fly free (Day 12)
From my diary, Jan 4th 2024:
Fly free. Be who you need to be. Do your best. Shine bright for yourself and others. Find your courage. Find your Tree-Rex.
The suspension crew is NOT involved in my project, just close friends hanging out.
Quickest ascent in my suspension history. If I say I am good, never doubt it 💕🦖
Music: “No minds land (Okuma Remix) by Riyoon. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
“Blood Bath: Israeli State Edt.”
From my diary, Feb 18th 2024:
I proudly and nauseously present: «Blood Bath: Israeli State Edt.».
Nothing like a lil’ limpness, coldness, inhumanity or fakeness to boost the light shining from my butthole and heart. What an inspiration you are, Espen Barth Eide and Jonas Gahr Støre, thank you. Freedom of speech, democracy, humanity itself - under pressure everywhere. Today is Day 75 of my project, and I feel it worsening almost from day to day. There will be no coming back from this. Ever.
Featuring material from my latest ritual performance, on Feb 11th. The fourth one. Still digesting it, it was intense and demanding. As it needed to be. When so many should be doing more, but don’t… More will always be more, and sometimes, extreme situations call for extreme measures. I will share more about my choices and about this particular ritual later.
Music: “An Oriental Banquet“ by Obsqure. Thank you so much for the use of it!<3
Spoken words in video mostly by Espen Barth Eide and a few by Jonas Gahr Støre, used for inspiration (not my work). Also featuring fellow burning soul Flexi Aukan, who was subjected to violence for expressing his views this week.
I am feeling the censorship more keenly myself too, each day. New depths of shadowbanning on social media, banned from following new people and tagging most days. Posts and stories hidden away. People thinking I am on a break from Instagram. There are posts and stories every day, never doubt it, just check in manually if you want to follow the project. My burning heart never sleeps.
Words from the Deep
From my diary, Feb 25th 2024:
The silence broke itself.
Your name presented itself from a deep place, Espen Barth Eide , which may well be the weirdest compliment you’ll get in a while. It is crunchtime, please step it up!
The plan was to break the silence by singing to them, as I have before. The plan was to draw blood from my arm this time. Until the week before, when shit got darker by the day, yet again. Rafah. Norway´s politicians voting down sanctions/boicott yet again. The depth and urgency of events and the new layers of feeling they evoked in me called me to face my fears. Show my courage. Open my heart, my life force, even more. Things I have never wanted to do, never thought I would do, knew would be painful in ways that are difficult for me, suddenly felt like the only logical choices. The things my heart needed, my howls lurking in the deep needed. To do right by them, and by myself.
This is only the third time in my life I have felt like bleeding ritually from my forehead. My first ever pulling. My first ever chest hooks. Big ones, at that. I always steered away from them, mostly because I didn’t want visible scars. And because they look a bit scary, I must admit. But, after the first ritual performance, the insanity of the 20791 dead souls, all my cares about scarring is gone. The tears of blood running down my face contained everything at once. Healed me and strenghtened me more than they drained me. My scars are prominent already, and will always be part of me. In a way that can not be hidden, that is plain to see. Sets me apart from others. A familiar feeling since childhood, but I am at home in it now, and know who I am. I already carry my scars and fresher marks with pride, head held high. People who stare always look away first. Looks are not important. Compared to what they suffer in Palestine, and the marks they, I, and all of us bear on the inside, I will not mind if I look like a human meatball in the end.
Music: “Sufi Bazaar“ by Obsqure. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Day 89: Flour
From my diary, March 4th 2024:
Flour on my mind. Flour in my heart. Flour on my bench. Flour on my cats. Flour coats my place. My life. To me, it has been an art material, since I can’t eat it. Now, holding humanity by the thinnest of threads. Who should have known that the knife’s edge was flour coated? I chose to include it in yesterday’s ritual performance. Here, a clip from the day before. Not in editing shape yet, nor ready to put yesterday into words. Luckily, I don’t need them.
Soon, another almost invisible coat of flour adds itself to the previous ones. I don’t have time or energy for dusting. I will bake, feel, do what is needed.
Music: “Deux Princesses” by Birrd @birrdmusic. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Bad bish in the rain
From my diary, March 7th 2024:
Still digesting my fifth ritual performance on March 3rd. Scars fresh, still in an altered state, still unpacking and trying to save outfits and equipment. It was WET, pouring down all day. And cold. I had expected it, worked my ass off on designing and sewing rainwear since the last ritual performance. The day before unraveled in so many ways at once, even I had no chance then of completing it. Solving unforeseen problems and dealing with some roughness and harsh realities and their consequences for the coming time, in life and within the project, took all I had, as I went through necessary packing and preparation.
My weather proofed survival suit would have to do, unfinished hood for my rainwear draped on top. I was soaked through completely and wet to the core by the end, but at least, my plan for keeping my feet dry worked to absolute perfection.
While laying them down, I landed the final weight of some truths, acceptance and other intense emotional work I had done throughout the night/vigil. At the end, I was an absolute machine. Changing into white, going through the stages of my closing rituals of choice that I am not yet ready to share. My main feeling after this day, this week, that could have broken anyone in my absurd situation to tiny pieces, is that I am a bad bish. A force of nature. I will carry this burden, gracefully and to whatever end, if I have to do it all by myself. Does a tree fall, a person scream, a bomb drop, if nobody filmed, photographed, witnessed, shared? As long as I am there, doing it, living it, I know it has happened. I carry it with me always. It is enough.
Clips and edit by Eren Yaldiz
Music: “Who I am” by GHEIST. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Women’s Day
From my diary, March 8th 2024:
Happy International Women’s Day! As important this year as it ever was. The fight goes on, remember that it is world wide. Find your own way to stay alert, aware, in solidarity and love. Start with yourself, your worth, your rights, your deservingness of safety, care, dignity, equality. Look at your country, what still needs doing there. But always look to those who are a lot worse off than you will ever be. This year, my heart is in Palestine. But it is full, and is also everywhere else. Also with myself and my personal experience of being a lot worse off because of my gender. I take a moment to look back, and be the bad bish I need to be to secure my rights better in the future.
On this day, my celebration is about keeping my strength and open heart to keep the fight going, in the way that makes most sense to me. Have you found the way that makes most sense to you?
Many clips from different things, but mentioning Helene Fjell and Eren Yaldiz.
Music: “ No Minds Land” by Riyoon. Thank you so much for the use of it!
2840. Flour. And the police’s spade.
From my diary, March 10th 2024:
Here they lie. All 2840 representatives of murdered Palestinians, laid down in the rain last Sunday (March 3rd) outside the Israeli Embassy. My fifth time now, and each one just feels heavier and heavier.
There was blood. There was pain. There were tears. There was flour. There was fury. There was courage, stamina, strength, badbishness. There was police. The sound at the end, as the little people had to be removed for the first time, still rings in my ears.
After a heated discussion, there was no way around it. I cannot afford a big fine. Just me and one friend were there at the end. I was wet, cold, bloody, covered in flour, exhausted. She picked up the spade, no words said, and got to it to save me from the pain of it. I know it was a push for her, too, and an act of love and outrage if I ever saw one. As I started packing the shitload of things, the scraping sound was filling my body, loud and clear, piercing through everything.
Music: “Morgat“ by Birrd. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Malnourished children.
From my diary, March 18th 2024:
On Day 10, after baking 2146 dead gingerbread people and adding them to the mountain of others, I sang to the children, and to them all. It nearly broke my heart. I have been singing many songs since. Yesterday was Day 104. Baking again, singing again. They may be fewer, but each feels so heavy. The malnourished children, I shape individually with a knife. Yesterday, two more added to the 23 I baked last week. They are smallest and most fragile, but the heaviest of all. I hope this bowl I have for them will suffice. Having to give them a bigger one is what I dread most at the moment.
Song after my own is done: “Land of the Free (A Safer Place)” by Obsqure, Suz. Thank you for the use of it! <3
110 days and counting.
From my diary, March 23th 2024:
Day 110 of the project. After a final push and vigil, I will go to my sixth ritual performance outside the Israeli Embassy tomorrow. They may be fewer, but each feels SO heavy. The lack of action from politicians and people in power, their betrayal, is heavy on my mind and in my heart. My voice is loud and clear, no words needed. You are NOT doing enough, every minute and hour counts for the people who are still alive, and still have some limbs, or some meat on their bones left. Action speaks. Limpness makes me sick to the core. Tomorrow, your powerhungry coldness will take an active part in the proceedings. But the process is very much alive from moment to moment, and will be there on the pavement as well. Even I don’t know exactly how it will feel or look. But never doubt it: I will express every drop of how I feel about it all before I leave!
Biden, burps, blood, bombs, boxes.
From my diary, March 24th 2024:
I am finally warm, and am well after today’s ritual performance. The sky opened properly at the perfect time, opening a new layer of surrender. It was wet, wild, bloody, and everything it needed to be.
Biden, burps, blood, bombs, and boxes today for my little people. Useless boxes in useless parachutes. 1867 dead gingerbread representatives, of which 27 malnourished children.
You never know what can hide inside an icecream if it is big enough.
1867.
When all was done: here they lie. 1867 representatives of the dead, including 27 children who were starved to death. Fewer in number this time, but each almost too heavy to lift. Much good the airdrops did them. Mixed with bombs - greetings from the US to all.
Music: “Diamond Veins (feat. Sarah Rebecca) (Kid Francescoli remix)“ by French 79. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Land Day
March 30th 2024. Palestine Land Day. Remember. Be. Fight. Love. You are not alone! The world is on fire for you. May the Land soon see its last blood drop, dead body, piece of rubble, and oppressor.
Video: Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac and Theodora Dea @theodora_arts
Music: Nitesky (feat. John LaMonica) by Robot Koch. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Bombs and Boxes
From my diary, April 3rd, 2024:
«Less icecream - more action Edt.» of my project last Sunday. The sky had opened at the perfect time, and I had already given myself to the rain, blood, pain, wildness, and all layers of feelings at once. Time to find out what Biden’s icecream cone was hiding... Bombs and humanitarian aid, layered one by one to make sure the little parachutes wouldn’t tangle. More bombs than parcels. Everything metoculously made to match the scale of my little dead gingerbread people. The parcels are filled, with the best the US has to offer. I will show you later in a «making of». Too little, too late, and like a spit in the face as the bombs carry more weight. But even the parcels also carry death. Blood. Starvation. Blood. Blood everywhere. Even this little piece of Israel here in Oslo reeks of it.
Video: Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “Listening to stars” by Riyoon. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Claws and flags
From my diary, March 9th 2024:
Every moment, the project is part of me. Doing seemingly unrelated things are not unrelated at all, as my life, my body and my physical creations and art are one and the same. What better choice for an ambient performance than my work “Bitch, Behave!” to make sure i keep the fighting spirit while shining?
These claws don’t claw themselves! It takes some getting used to, and a lot of rehearsal time, to know if it is even possible to try something I want to do. Leaning into this character is about embracing the fact that it is unpredictable, directs movement a lot by the way it is constructed, and will do its own thing. Which is ultimately mine, since I engineered it, but I will not know until I am in the moment. Letting the Outfit lead me feels meditative in a way, and has ripped that particular subtype of perfectionism out of me as I have let it live its life in different contexts. In some way or other, my flag will be part of this night. My heart with them as I move.
Music: “Temps utile” by Chapelier Fou. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Less icecream - more action!
The night was still very young in this clip. So very young. Many layers to uncover to get to the true depth of how I feel about it all. And about you in particular, Mr Biden and the United States. You will forever be covered in blood. It drips off you wherever you go, whatever you do. We all see it even if you don’t.
Video: Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “Wheels” by Birrd. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
The sky is weeping, too.
From my diary, April 6th 2024:
As the rain started dripping, before the sky truly opened, I took a small moment to welcome it into the mix. It all went from there. See it till the end. I prefer upside-down views as you know if you follow me. I see you, Israel. This is how I feel. Or at least part of it, as this was merely the beginning.
Video: Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac .
I see you, Biden. I see you, Jonas Gahr Støre. I see you, Espen Barth Eide.
Eggs 101 Genocide Edt.
From my diary, April 1st 2024:
You are welcome, Jonas Gahr Støre. I see your Egg 101 and call genocide on it. This is how you cook’ em this year. Or leave it to someone else while you do more, something, anything at all.
This Easter, the people in power and the focus they permit themselves, has been more absurd and provoking (almost) than the worst atrocity video. Biden being bloody was no surprise. He already was, and after this week, I feel even better about blooding him last Sunday. In all thinkable ways. Closer to home, Norway’s prime minister @jonasgahrs focuses on his waffle making and giving tips about cooking EGGS! Adding to the absurdity, Norway is in a deep “egg crisis». When others eat grass or animal feed is a GOOD time to whine properly about such things. Also, Easter candy was too cheap and all out before everybody got some. What has the world come to, really?
When Jonas says anything pertaining to the genocide at all, he still calls it «conflict» or «war». What he writes is polarising, hinting at antisemittism and antizionism being the same. Foreign Minister @espenbartheide seems to be pretty chill too. So many perspectives to consider. Each hour of consideration kills, maims, creates irreparable damage, keeps people in starvation. Norwegian media covering the tiniest bits and pieces. Without that shithole Instagram or foreign media, most of what goes on would be lost on us.
I had planned to post something else today. But I stayed up cooking instead, inspiration flowing. Thank you, asshole politicians. I used to call you limp. My mistake. Though you still are, there is something else in the mix as well. Darker. But just as revolting, or more.
Music: “1986“ by Kid Francescoli. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Where are your hearts, politicians?
From my diary, April 13th 2024:
I bake. Hoping it is the last time until I lay them down. Always Hoping. They are even fewer now, but so so heavy. I prepare, pour my heart into it all. It burns brighter than ever. Where are YOURS, politicians? Where? Until you figure out if you are human or not, I let your lack of action boost the light shining from my butthole and heart. What an inspiration you are!
Video Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac , Linda Haugland @linhaug2011 , Jorunn Bakke @jorunnbakke & Karoline Evensen @karolinevensen
Most spoken words in video by Jonas Gahr Støre and Espen Barth Eide used for inspiration (not my work). Also adding his strong voice to my silence this time: @flexiaukan . Subjected to police violence during a panel/speech.
Music: “An Oriental Banquet” by Obsqure. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Hospitals are NOT targets!
From my diary Apr 16th 2024:
Going through footage from Sunday’s ritual performance (the 7th) with the nauseating, lingering smell of a dead body at home is an experience to say the least. I am grasping it. Which was what I set out to do.
1582 Gingerbread representatives of the dead. Moving in the wind. I see you. I feel you. Never forgotten.
484 needles for the murdered health workers. Ritually pierced with the Gingerbread as witnesses. I see you. I feel you. Never forgotten.
One banner made with love within an impossible timeframe.
One representative of a doctor, of meat, bones, organs, weights, and a huge rock from the river.
Two hooks to drag him.
Heavy. So heavy. For a moment, I thought I was not strong enough to take him all the way.
Hospitals are NOT targets.
Piercing, crew/rig, video and loving beingness by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “Earthbound” by Birrd. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
I see you.
All eyes on Rafah.
I see you. I feel you. I love you.
May you find courage and strength.
All eyes on Israel.
All eyes on every complicit politician.
I see you. I see through you. I am ablaze with fury.
From the 7th ritual performance (“Hospitals are not targets!”) on April 14th. Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/video by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “Beneath Waves” by Robot Koch. Thank you so much for the use of it!
200 days of genocide
From my diary, April 24th:
200 days.
200.
I need no words, but a few came. They are for you,
Espen Barth Eide @espenbartheide Jonas Gahr Støre @jonasgahrs and the Norwegian Government @regjeringen .
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/video by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “Crystal Grid” by Robot Koch. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Action speaks louder than waffles and empty words.
From my diary, May 14th:
The passive politicians are my greatest inspiration, as you know by now. As they continue to do nothing, the rest of us will have to do more, setting a good example. Our prime minister was into sharing his waffle recipe and egg cooking tips this Easter, when things were truly cooking in Gaza. His focus, and that of our Minister of Foreign Affairs, provoked me no end. And continues to do so.
So, I followed his recipe and did an action on their behalf. As I am stuck in eternal Yuletide with my gingerbread and Tree-Rex, I am hereby dooming our politicians to eternal Easter. I would not sully my lawnboard with their action, and Tree-Rex also refused. So I created a very functional Stør-board, and the deadly Easter bunny Nammo volunteered to be their light and helper.
Behold then, the gingerbread representatives of the 1033 souls who has been murdered since last time. In company with 1033 waffle representatives. Heart shaped, despite the dull shape of the waffle iron of Jonas Gahr Støre. Because hearts is what is needed.
I also decided to give our politicians hearts, with help from my Waffle Priest. Mine is full, after all. Freely given, in love, but not respect. Opening my own yet again, politicians attached. All bombs and no aid at the very end. Biden and Oljis (representing the Norwegian oil fund) a smooth part of the mix throughout the day. When I have control, everyone cooperates nicely - what a dream scenario.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/wafflepriesthood/video by @mortenthemaniac
Also video by @miriam_embla
Music: “Pull me Through” by Klur, Diana Miro. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Ascencion time
This was the first thing I shared from my 8th ritual performance (May 5th). I was going to ease everyone into it, but Ascencion Day was suddenly upon us. What’s a poor free spirit to do?
Giddyup, all passive bishes, may you find humanity and heart, and soon!
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/video by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “ From Nothing“ by Glückskind. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Bonding over a dead body
From my diary, April 28th 2024:
My most absurd first meeting ever. Yours are still high up there, Sveinung @skjeggbror and Kjærsti Øverbø @poetic_beingness, but I think you agree. Thank you @a_aridi1 , representing @paltelt_backup @palestinateltet with style and grace after the «Hospitals are not targets» edition of my project.
Absurdity. Play. The freedom and space for dark, dark humour. Opening up the heart even further, making it possible to carry everything that would have been too much, too heavy. To keep going, as gracefully as possible. Resilience through free flow and crazy ideas. I am grateful I had a black belt in it before Oct 7th.
Humanity may not impress greatly at the moment, but parts of it is shining more brightly than in a good, long while. The pressure of the unbelievable darkness creating human diamonds in the rough. I have gotten to know, or brushed paths briefly, with MANY good humans lately. It makes hope easier to find. I love every one of you.
Last videos by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “Afterlife (Original Mix)” by Stoto. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Schmurovisioff
From my diary, May 10th 2024:
Tomorrow, I know you will be boycotting Schmurovision like a good and true hooman. But what will you do with all that blackness filling the screen? Oslo residents with the health for it have the Visit Vestbredden Festival, but what about the rest of us?
Never worry, I’ve gotcha!
Video clips by many different good people <3
Music: “FOIX” by French 79. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Pavement Planet
GFF proudly presents the first episode of «Pavement Planet». Natural wonders will be found closer than you think! The British know where to look…
Narrator:Alice Newstead @partycrustacean @aliceofthedead
Video by Lisabeth Marie Hogerfeldt @liandcats Troy Falck @troyfalck Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac Natalie @espi.nata Magnus Wiig @mwiiig
Music: “Morning Bloom” by Tonnerre. Thank you so much for the use of it!
Violated by the police
From my diary, May 23rd 2024:
It is personal.
Up close and personal.
Weirdos, queers, crips. Freaks and alternative peeps. You have felt it. You know. The fights are always entangled, never separate. Not over.
I am free. Furious, inspired, free fire. Fire.
There are several videos on my Instagram showing encounters with the police if you want to see more. Just some very few moments of many. Shared in a “Police Week”, while preparing my next ritual performance, directly inspired by the experience in this video.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/video by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac
Music: “Storm” by Worakls, Rusanda Panfili. Thank you so much for the use of it!
My voice is MINE: sewing my mouth shut
From my diary, June 2nd 2024:
My voice is mine. Free. Fire.
As any voice, anywhere, should be.
Yesterday for my Freedom of Speech Edt. of my project, I chose silence that nobody could force me to break. Not even the Schmolice.
You never know, though, what the Schmolice will or will not do.
A long day and night to come. In my sweet sweet silence.
Even my new banner is wordless.
Suturing/crew/love/Schmolice of my dreams by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium
Music played under a Tree by my elf squishy Ylva Østby Berger @ylvaostbyberger
Video by Josefine.
I (still) see you
From my diary, June 7th 2024:
I see you.
Every single one of you.
Murderers.
Everyone with blood and suffering on your hands in any shape or form.
You who are pretending everything is normal, living in some parallell carefree world I hope will implode in your face sooner rather than later.
I see you all, wherever you go.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/Schmoliceness by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium
Video by Josefine.
Music: “Joda (Worakls Remix)” By Joachim Pastor. Thank you so much for the use of it!
No Pride in Genocide
From my diary, June 26th 2024:
My 10th ritual performance on Sunday was for the queers and no mistake. Pure, free Gottfred style. In love, in grief, in fury, in blood, in pain. Also in joy, light and goofiness. A space of healing, togetherness and letting go completely.
But most of all: queer as f.
The police gave me new personal restrictions last time, so both private and public ground is off-limits. A tiny area is still available to me. Nobody said ANYTHING about the air. Problem solving reaching a next, genius level as I became the flying watermelon I feel I was always meant to be. Jonas Gahr Støre @jonasgahrs (Norway’s Prime Minister) and Espen Barth Eide @espenbartheide (Norway’s Minister of Foreign Affairs) are always active when they are with me. I do not get how they cannot just make an effort on other days.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/Schmoliceness by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium and Alex Pereiro @indigenak
Video by Morten Narverud and Josefine.
Music: “Hydrogen” by Kowari @kowariofficial. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
.
I love my dream team!
From my diary, June 24th 2024:
It may be my project, my commitment.
My life. My insane sewing, baking , bleeding and feeling regime. But the love, inspiration, support, humour and dedication of my crew is everything! We are the dream team and no mistake. Joined by our squishy guest crew yesterday, it felt like the warmest family reunion. Add the people who show up to bear witness/document/help out, once or almost every time, and the support I get from some dedicated souls online, and you can see how I am always able to keep my heart full. Pull some extra light and energy from my shining butthole. Also, this queer watermelon doesn’t fly itself 🍉🩸❤️🔥🦖👮♀️🐿️🪩🌈
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/schmoliceness by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium and Alex Pereiro @indigenak
Video by me and Morten Narverud.
Music: “Borders“ by Monomotion @monomotionmusic. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Protecting my silence
Baby’s first ever face spear/skewer. So many firsts, as I flow freely, on fire, within my project. The art I started now leading me where it needs to go, living its life in a way. In this dark time. Things I never thought would be. Going with what feels right, true and necessary through the unfolding of a g^nocide. Facing fears. Discovering new layers of strength, of courage. Of energy. Who knows where it comes from sometimes. I remember a time when I cared about how I looked. Avoided scars. Cared what people would think. Another life.
I am free. They are not. All I need to know for now.
Thank you for this gift, Alex @indigenak ❤️🔥 The police will continue to struggle to break my silence. And I will continue to use this to aid me in being who I need to be.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love by Alex Pereiro @indigenak Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium
Video by Morten Narverud.
Music: “All of yours” by AFAR www.musicfromafar.de. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
Hospitals are still not targets!
The murdered health workers are STILL not numbers.
484 they were in April.
Marks imprinted inside and out.
16 added to them at my 10th ritual performance, June 23rd.
As with the Gingerbread: they may be fewer, but each feels heavier.
It should have stopped so long ago.
The people in power still failing us.
Failing THEM.
I love you. I feel you. I remember. Each of you part of me now.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love/Schmoliceness by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium and Alex Pereiro @indigenak
Video by Morten Narverud, Marta Segone @martasegone and Josefine.
Music: “Trauma (Worakls Remix)” by NTO. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3
It all begins with an idea.
From my diary, July 14th 2024:
Yesterday was rough. Before the bake of the day/night, I added the newest Gingerbread representatives of the murdered souls and sugarcookie representatives of the missing children to my ever growing heaps. The fresh atrocities filling my heart, images of sandals in blood. Old videos of dancing and singing Palestinian children. Newer ones, haunted eyes in tent camps and schools. More singing, dancing, play, siblings hugging. My youngest nephew of 3, hammering away on a project alone while singing the two sentences from a song about Summer he remembers in a loop. Safety and freedom shining in his eyes.
I am baking the ruins too, this time.
On July 20th, 4000 of the missing 21000 children will lie underneath them as I lay down my dead for the 11th time.
Estimates. Numbers.
My need to touch, to feel, to smell, to feel the weight of them. A thin veil of flour covering everything. I need it to be physical, tactile, to live and breathe them, even more than I did when I started out in December. For my own sake as much as anything else. Grasping it as the world allows it to go on would be too difficult otherwise.
186000
From my diary, July 8th 2024:
186000.
A conservative estimate (The Lancet).
Conservative.
Conservative.
Needles/hooks/rig/crew/love by Morten Narverud @mortenthemaniac @beztiarium Håvve Fjell @havvefjell Alex Pereiro @indigenak
Video by Gottfred, Linda Haugland @linhaug2011 and my new friend Yusef.
Music: “Beneath Waves” by Robot Koch, Muriël Bostdorp. Thank you so much for the use of it! <3